It was the four portions of fish in a week
It was the rebellious couple of glasses of wine on a school night
It was the pizza night where I opted for the salad
It was the cheese plate when he was at the football
It was the many greens that made their way through my new juicer
It was warm, perfectly toasted buttery panettone
It was more raw broccoli and less crisps dipped in the houmous and shared with friends
It was the sunshine-drenched sips of Orangina drunk in a cafe on a rainy day
It was an effort to have liver once a week
It was a four hour lunch on Papa
It was one, sometimes two (never three) cups of coffee a day. The first, as often as possible, enjoyed together, in bed, before work
It was the weekly 5k that got faster
It was the weekly slice of cake thereafter that got tastier
It was all the new foods I experimented with and old favourites that made their way back onto the menu
It’s been a couple of months of doing things a bit differently. A time of removing any sort of pressures I’ve previously put on myself. No CrossFit. Instead thrice weekly two mile walks, eight hours on my feet every Friday, weekend mountain climbs and Parkruns that aren’t against the clock. It’s been a lot of what I’ve fancied without a religious commitment to a “cheat” on this day, at that time.
It’s not been easy. I’ve missed that heart racing, lung busting euphoria that only a sweaty gym session can deliver. I’ve contemplated buying a set of bathroom scales on too many occasions, “just to check”. But I’ve pulled myself back. I’ve gone with my clothes. I’ve benefited from the reassurance of a recent shopping trip where the assistant kindly went to fetch me the dress in a size down. I’m squidgier and admittedly some days more self conscious than others but I’m almost certainly a heck of a lot healthier.
I feel rested, yet full of life. Nothing’s too much trouble. Meal times are full of excitement, every mouthful savoured.
For too many years I felt trapped by my relationship with food. A brutal battle of deprivation and gorging and days of intense guilt that followed. It takes so long to break out of that and I’m still only part way there but I’m certainly feeling a heck of a lot better for it as this clean eating journey continues.
This summer I’m signed up to a Mindfulness course and I simply can’t wait. Another step towards final breaking free and hopefully plenty of nuggets I can share in the process.
I feel I’m on the verge of a bit of a rebrand. Is Let Her Eat Clean destined to become the Thoughtful Foodie…?
Are you blessed with a positive relationship with food?